All the perfect hand gestures, smiles, photo ops and ETV reality specials in the world couldn’t make the Kim Kardashian/Kris Humphries marriage believable. Maybe it’s the fact that he and Kim met only months before they turned their marriage into a multi-million dollar event or the fact that I am in a serious relationship and can see straight through the Kim K./Kris Humphries bulls**t.
Kim Kardashian rose to fame after a sex tape of her and then boyfriend Ray-J surfaced showcasing the socialites assets and mediocre sex skills. Since, Kim with the help of other factors has turned her last name into a bread-winning franchise manned by her mom Kris Jenner. The Kardashians have tapped into television, cosmetics, fashion and almost every facet in entertainment you can think of! To say “Kardashian” is a brand all it’s own is an understatement.
Kris Humphries literally stumbled his doofy a** into the picture this year after meeting Kim…well we don’t know where–it’s not like they talk about love and stuff like that. None-the-less, Kim and Kris wed in August. The couple’s lavish ceremony raked in approx. $15 million in revenue.
When applying for his and her marriage license, like all soon-to-be brides, Kim was asked if she would be changing her last name to Humphries. Kim, so puzzled like she hadn’t given thought to the question before-hand or didn’t know that would be a requirement decided to remain Kardashian for business reasons. Later in “the confessional” Kim elaborated on her decision–”Kardashian for life baby!” (watch the video, here) she said in her signature infant-like voice.
Kim K. may seem stupid but that move shows you just how business savvy the media whore personality is!
Here are five of my personal theories why Kim K wouln’t take her hubby’s last name:
The NBA Lockout/ “He Ain’t Got No Job”
Kris Humphries, unrestricted free agent, last played in the NBA with the New Jersey Nets. Last time I checked “In professional sports, a free agent is a player whose contract with a team has expired and who is thus eligible to sign with another club or franchise.” With the NBA currently unable to reach a deal or a agreement in the “Lockout” and Kobe Bryant in talks to play for an Italian team, things aren’t looking too good for Humphries who damn sure ain’t no Kobe Bryant…thus leading me to believe that Kim K ain’t “a gold digger, but she ain’t messing with no broke n****s!”
Her Mom Wants To Change Her Name Back To Kardashian…
Kris Jenner, leader of the Kardashian pack expressed her desire to change her last name back to Kardashian. No her marriage with gold medalist Bruce Jenner isn’t failing but now that Kardashian is a house-hold name, she wants in! Kim could have made the decision she knew she would regret in the future.
The last name Humphries reminds me of a character out of an Austin Powers movie; something like Ivana Humpalot. Could it be Kim made a conscious decision to rid herself the stigma attached to her name by the same sex tape that made her famous? Kim HUMPhries would be ideal if she was auditioning for an Austin Powers reboot….just sayin’.
The S**t [Marriage] Is Fake
I have come to the conclusion that Kim Kardashian is a chick about her money. I respect that, but I respect and value the sanctity of marriage way more. I may be one of the last few women who doesn’t consider divorce an option but in a current society where the divorce rate is approx. 50 percent who am I to judge? Kim just made an easy $15 million, got to wear two Vera Wang dresses and had the world idolize her as a wife instead of hoe in the process. Marriage by some, is considered a business agreement with a formal contract; Kim just took Kris’ king with her pawn if he thought this was about love… applaud that woman!
It’s The Money Maker!
Last and certainly not least, why the h*ll would Kim change her last name to Humphries? and even more so- why the h*ll would Kris expect her to? Let’s be honest, Kim isn’t worried about marriage. The day after she walked down that well decorated isle she looked at her $1.5 million wedding photos and smiled, not at the great couple standing before her but at the dollar signs that photo and ceremony would soon present!
Well played Kim…well played!