Even though LeBron James going to Chicago with Carlos Boozer would make them the most formidable team in the Eastern Conference, if not the league, I don’t see it happening. As T.I. pointed out, there is that nagging Michael Jordan legacy that I think will keep him out of a Bulls uniform. And if Chris Bosh thought James was going to Chicago he’d have followed him there in my humble opinion.
If James were going to Miami I think he would have announced it along with Wade and Bosh so I don’t think he’s going there, as exciting as it would be.
So that leaves The Nets, Knicks and his current team The Cavaliers. The Nets have some nice pieces but I just don’t see him leaving a market like Cleveland to go to a stepchild market like Jersey. Apologies to all the kids from Brooklyn to Teaneck but a new stadium and a Jay-Z co-sign aren’t quite enough without another big name on the squad. And last I checked Jay-Z’s jump shot was suspect.
So here are five things LeBron should do in either scenario:
If He Goes To New York…
1) Get Jay-Z To reshoot a remix video for “Empire State of Mind” at the new Yankee Stadium but promise not to rap. Just stand there and hold up the Dynasty sign bro.
2) Get Spike Lee to shoot a sequel to “He Got Game” and have him recast Rosario Dawson’s part with Rosa Acosta.
3) Finally compete in the Slam Dunk competition. Somebody has to take over for Nate Robinson and it sure won’t be Chris Duhon.
4) Make peace with Mike D’Antoni and Danilo Gallinari for dropping 52 points on them in February by going to The Feast Of San Gennaro in September. The fried dough is the shiznit.
5. Win a damn championship.
However, if he stays with the Cavaliers he should…
1) Become a guest cartoon on The Cleveland Show (just stay away from his dad). At least folks will tune in to watch him in prime time.
2) Make Delonte West disappear. I’m sure David Blayne has a box (or a magic guitar case) you can use.
3) Get Chilli’s homegirl to help your mom find a nice man.
4) Have a sit down with Charles Barkley, Patrick Ewing and Karl Malone so they can prepare you for life as a great player that never won a championship.
5) Take up Betty White on her offer.
46. Bianca Lawson (from everything in the 90s, 2000s, and 2010s)
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