Dear Chris Brown & Ochocinco: Just Say No To Tattoos [OPINION]

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As imperfect creatures human beings are prone to lapses in judgment. Whether it’s caused by emotion or bad information, people make bad decisions and screw up. It happens everyday to the best of us. (I mean for God’s sake, have you seen 2 Chainz outfits in every picture? The man dresses like Shabba Ranks after an aneurysm. But I digress…) Bad choices are a way of life…

The good thing is, most of us (not 2 Chainz or his stylist, but most of us) can recognize a bad decision and quickly correct and move past it. Except when it’s permanent. Which brings us to today’s topic…

Tattoos! Body art has a rich history with tons of tradition rooted in self -expression, but is, hands down, the ultimate in bad decision technology. Not only can it be a bad decision in itself, it can permanently symbolize said decision, putting it on display for all to see till kingdom (or expensive and painful laser surgery) come. Safely providing you with the triangle-offense of f*ckery.

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In either case, we can often rely on real friends, good family and even a tattoo artist that just gives a damn to help us divert disaster. One stern word, one sober moment from a trusted source can be the difference between clarity and calamity. So knowing this, when it comes to Chris Brown & Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson and their recent body art, I have just one question…

Where the hell was everybody??

Haven’t these guys proven that they need a little extra supervision? Between the Lamborghini, the hair, the condom receipt and, well… the marriage, haven’t Chris and Chad done enough to show us all that good decision making isn’t their strongest skill set?

No managers? Publicist? Homeboys? Where’s the crew love? Nobody was around? Where was the guy to go.

“Hey Chris, wassup bro… Blonde hair again huh? That’s cool… Listen I was just thinking. Ya know, given the history with you and ‘what’s-her-name’ Maybe, just maybe this bruised woman face isn’t the best idea for a neck tattoo. Here’s a thought… how about a nice hat! We can kill two birds with… uh, never mind. What size do you wear again?”

Or

“Hey Breezy, we noticed that “She who shall not be named” just got a tattoo under her breasts of an Egyptian goddess. This fighter plane that you’re putting in the same spot is going to get the epic side-eye.  Needless to say, the next time ya’ll smash your Star Scream is going to be belly-to-belly with her Isis.  Again, how about a nice hat instead?”

And what about Chad’s people? Why didn’t he speak up like the dude who did the Drake forehead tattoo?

Why didn’t someone say…

“Hey Chad! Good to see you man, big fan, welcome to my shop! So I understand you’d like me to do a tattoo on your leg of the woman who cost you your NFL job, upcoming television show and reputation. The woman who, in spite of having a history of violence against women, is currently attempting to be the face of domestic abuse. Not to mention that she is throwing  you as far under the Greyhound as she can on any talk show that will listen…  Yeah? Ok, I would do that for you Chad, but hey! Look at that! I’m all out of ink… sorry man! Come back when you get some sense.”

Now it’s true that Chris could have gotten the tattoo as a dedication to his mother who is also a victim of domestic violence. But he claims that it was a sugar skull, completely nullifying any attempt to defend him.

And Chad, feeling that he is innocent, is making the grand gesture to his Evelyn to show, in spite of all she’s cost him, he still loves his wife. But even if that were true, a good friend could have pointed out that the timing of the tats are the difference between expressions of love and Stinkmeaner level n*gga-moments.

Make ‘em think before they ink

While it may be too late to save these two, there is still work to be done. Everywhere across the world, good people are doing great harm to themselves in tattoo parlors. They may not be dead-set on being idiots like Chris and Chad but they also don’t have the immediate money for laser surgery! Lets band together to make sure this doesn’t become an epidemic. The “beat your woman and get her tattooed on your body afterward” should be a two man club accepting no new members.

Friends don’t let friends ink as idiots… so please do the right thing and make ‘em think before they ink.

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