Should I Pick A Side When Two Friends Are Fighting?

Do you take sides when your  friends fight amongst each other?

Dear Black Man,

I have had the same group of friends since high school and while I am not as close with all of them, for the most part I consider each family. Some time ago two of those friends had a rift that basically snowballed into the end of a friendship. Naturally other friends took sides in the matter, but I refused since both are my friends and I felt that the matter was between them. Ever since one of my friends has given me more than grief for not siding with them. I have tried everything I know to resolve this but the anger and resentment just keeps coming at me. I hate to give up something that I’ve had for so long especially when I have considered them family and I do have love for them. But lately every time I’m around this person, drama erupts. I end up very hurt from this. So when it is time to drop a friend from the roster?

Zetta

The Black Man:

Hi Zetta,

This is a tough predicament to be in but as you previously stated this is something between the two friends and not you. It is unfair for your friends to put you in the middle of their dispute. It is a selfish act on both of their parts, especially the one who is upset that you decided not side with them. If you had nothing to do with their dispute then you should not be involved.

However, I don’t feel you should drop a friend off of your roster. You may just have to re-evaluate how you interact with those friends. If they have been true friends to you then there is no reason to totally drop either one as a friend. You may just have to change the setting of your friendship. Sometimes when you know someone for a long time you evolve to different places in your life in which can have you go on different paths. The person that you hung out with every day in high school may not be aligned with the person you are now. That transformation does not mean you cannot be friends, it just changes the dynamic of your friendship.

I think you just need to create some space between you and the friend that is causing you drama. Don’t be attached to what the friendship was like in the past and create space in which is suitable for you now.

I hope this helps you out.

Good Luck.

TBM