Would you take sex advice from a guy who got busy in the back of a U-Haul truck? Well you should. It’s pretty good. (The advice…the sex is another story.) With his Kanye West –assisted new single, “Stay Up (Viagra)” warming things up for his debut CD, The Death of Adam, producer/rapper 88-Keys, gave The Urban Daily some on-the-spot solutions for your most embarrassing sexual faux-pas.
TUD: So what’s your advice for not ending up murdered like your boy Adam?
88: Do not fart in the bed. Do not blow a gasket, that is #1. I don’t think I need to tell you why.
TUD: Has that ever happened to you?
88: No comment [Laughs] I plead the fifth.
TUD: So are we talking before, during…after?
88: Yes! If you do it right before or try to excuse yourself to the bathroom, and you leave the bathroom too soon, that’s called crop dusting. You’re just gonna have it trailing behind you. You don’t want that cuz it’ll follow you into the bed. If you’re gonna do it at all the best time would be during cuz then you can lay all your cards out on the table, “I’m a nasty dude and this is what you’re getting.”
TUD: Is that the kind of nasty you wanna get across?
88: Not really, but there are dudes who are nasty like that.
TUD: What do you do if you cum too soon?
88: Oh that’s easy, cunnilingus. It’ll be tough to get some at the point so you’re gonna have to give it. That keeps them satisfied and going and it’ll give you time to psych yourself out and get recharged. So if you bust a nut too soon you gotta go down, unless you just don’t give a rats ass.
TUD: What about dead wood? Jimmy’s at half-mast and you left your Viagra pill in your other pair of Red Monkeys.
88: I’d just be like “oh this never happened to me before.” You have to come up with an excuse like your mind is wandering off, you had a bad day at work. You have to act like something terrible happened and you’re still thinking about it.
TUD: How do you handle it if the condom breaks?
88: Do what I do, don’t use any [laughs]. I think at that point I’d just finish and get on the next thing smoking. Get outta Dodge. The following week go get checked out and get out of town, and pray she doesn’t know your last name.
TUD: Ok, what if you’re caught cheating, in the act…
88: Fake a heart attack. They can’t get mad if they realize the seriousness of your health and that you could have died from the shock. You have to clutch your chest and foam at the mouth…
TUD: How do you fake foaming at the mouth?
88: You’d be surprised at what you can do when you’re caught in a situation like that.
They don’t have your medical history on deck. It’s like a woman picking up a car if her baby is stuck under it.
TUD: You’re parked up getting busy and the cops tap on your window…
88: You show the cop how bangin’ your girl is and they understand. You flash her boobies at the officer and say “hey, wouldn’t you?”
TUD: Last one, you meet a girl online but when you get there it’s not quite what you expected..
88: I met a girl online and she wasn’t that cute in the face but her body was off the hook. She told me her house was free and I traveled a long way to get to her. But when I got there her grandmother decided to not to go out or whatever, so we had to walk around in the neighborhood with nothing to do. I had nothing in common with this girl cuz we only had two online conversations prior. I had chalked it up as a loss but she suggested doing it out in the park. This was like 1pm in the afternoon so I was like nah. We actually found an abandoned Uhaul truck with the back open and we got busy in there. Then I left.
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