Dear TBM,
I am a newly wed (I have been married about two months) and from the outside it seems like I have it all. I am 22 years old. I just graduated college and getting ready to enter law school. I am beautiful,successful, and just bought a new house. You name it, and I’ve got it; But yet still I am unhappy. I have been to therapy, counseling, etc… I’ve read self help books, and I meditate. There is still a void which leads to my problem. To fill this void, I tend to seek male attention, and then have affairs. I love my husband, but I can not seem to stop sleeping with other men. I know it’s wrong. I know better but I do it anyway. Can you give me some advice on this?
-Candy
The Blackman:
Hi Candy,
I find this interesting scenario because you always hear about the husband cheating on the wife and now you are hearing about the wife cheating on the husband. I am not trying to point you out but wives cheating on husbands is just as commonplace in marriage and it is not because their husband cheated on them.
My first thought is to know what your relationship is like with your father. Sometimes when a relationship between a father and daughter is not good and the daughter may feel not accepted by her father, they tend to try to fill that void with other men. So getting attention from men and satisfying them is a common way to try and fill that void. It is only temporary so that is why a woman will go from one man to the next.
Another possibility is timing. You are 22 years old. You are young and perhaps you are just not ready to settle down. You may truly love your husband but you may not be ready for marriage. Women can want to sow their wild oats as well. You just not might not be ready for a commitment.
You should really look into the situation with your husband and ask yourself these questions.. Does he give you enough attention? Does he please you sexually? Does he really make you happy? If all of these answers are yes, then I would say then you may not be ready to be in a committed situation. If the answers are no, then that is the reason why you are trying to fill the void because there are elements missing in your relationship. You would need to figure out if you both could really move forward together and you should be upfront with him about your feelings.
The last thing possibility could be that if this is just a sexual thing. If you are fully content with your husband but you just like to have sex with other people at times then you may want to look at the option of an open marriage. Some couples have a great relationship/marriage but they just like to be physical with other individuals at times. Nothing more than that. Both parties really have to be on the same page for that.
Definitely figure out what it is and be honest with yourself about it. If this happening two months into a marriage this is only going to get worse, cause drama, and people will get their feelings hurt in which one of those people could be you.
Good luck with your situation.
TBM
