Should I Have Lent My Boyfriend Money?

Hello Ask The Black Man,

I need a man’s opinion on a situation. Recently my boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me over money. Well before I go any further let me give you a snippet about me. I am 25 years old, a recent college graduate, I work full time and I’m a single mother of four-year-old twins. I fell hard for this guy who is younger than me. I thought he was everything I ever wanted. Early on in the relationship I got pregnant but we decided not to go through with the pregnancy because of financial reasons and also the fact that we had only been together for a short period of time. I told him I think it would be best if we enjoy us, before we bring a baby into the picture. You know, get to know one another a little more. I went ahead and did the abortion although a part of me didn’t want to.

Our relationship started to take a turn after the abortion. He wasn’t there for me at all. He would hang with “the homies.” He would stand me up all the time; say he was on his way and would never call or show up. I would cook him dinner and wait up for him until the wee hours of the night. I was starving for quality time with him. Then he got his car towed and needed $350 to get it out. We were both doing bad financially. My air conditioner went out on my car plus my windows wouldn’t roll down. All this happened just when summer was beginning. So my babies and me were suffocating. I was in so much debt that I couldn’t pay my rent, no food in the house; so I went and took out a loan from my 401K. I told him I did, so I guess he looked at it as if I had the money to loan him. I had only taken out enough to get me out of my financial rut. Something was telling me not to let him borrow it because he never keeps his word.

Do you feel I was in the wrong? I’ve given men in my past large amounts of money and I’ve always been the one struggling. He basically told me I let my past determine my future. But all I kept thinking about is my kids. I don’t know… I’ve been beating myself up, crying and not eating. Should I have loaned a man I’ve been dating for 5 months $350 when he’s not a man of his word?

-Dotty

The Black Man:

Hi Dotty,

You did the right thing by not lending him the money. Actions speak louder than words and his actions are in no way deserving of you lending him money. If he has not been giving you the respect that you deserve and has not been there for you then why should you bend over backwards to help him out?

Be careful  who you get involved with and protect yourself, especially in the bedroom. If you would have had that kid your life could have been in extreme distress. Take you time when meeting someone.

That’s my 99 Cents Worth

TBM