Door Knockers: Five People Worse Than Trick-Or-Treaters

Some of you are dreading the up-coming Halloween holiday because the idea of strangers wearing masks begging at your doorstep is what REALLY gives you the creeps. Just bear in mind that that it’s only for one night and that these people below will hit you up any time of the year.

Jehovah’s Witnesses

No matter what time of day it is, it’s always the WRONG time for a Jehovah’s Witnesses to come to your door.  They are the only group that can make grown folk hide out in their own homes. “Close the window, don’t let them see you!” Ignoring them doesn’t work, because they’ll keep ringing the damn bell, so your only recourse is to open the door for the hundredth time and say “no thank you, I’d rather go to hell than talk to you” and slam the door.

Political Campaign Workers

Door to door campaigning is a strategy many politicians use to introduce their candidacy. Many homeowners are asked to represent politicians with lawn posters and door hangers. But you stop hearing from them once they’re in office and you need potholes fixed in your neighborhood.

Census Takers

You didn’t fill out the initial Census questionnaire because you don’t cooperate with the “Feds.” Now a poor Census employee getting paid $10 an hour is at your door to make sure you complete it. Even though you have nothing to hide  you act suspicious as hell and refuse to answer anything. As a result your kids have to share one textbook in school that still refers to them as “negros.”

Petitioners.

“Would you like to save the environment?” or  “Do you have five minutes for the Manatee?” Why aren’t there ever petitions for things we really give a damn about? Like, “help us keep Flavor Flav off of television.”

Household products salesmen.

From Amway to Cutco Knives we’ve all been hit up by the door-to-door salesman. They always open with some corny line like “would you like to change your life?” The only gratification you can get is telling the Kirby vacuum cleaner salesman that his product literally sucks and he can’t say a damn thing back.