Like all good artificial intelligence T-Pain has become self-aware. “Teddy Bend Her Ass” knows that Kanye, Lil Wayne and Ron Browz have jacked his whole style to keep their party going. So what does he do for a third act?

Intro
“All We Do is perform for kids!” Tell ‘em why you mad son. This is the best and worst of T-Pain. He’ll hit you with a dope punchline like: “The way the beat bump, niggas try to get pro active on me.” Then he follows with a granola bar like “this nigga pocket bigger than santa clause..”

Ringleader Man
T-Pain’s first of several laments about being the most-imitated artist of 2008. Kind of like Jay-Z’s “Ignorant Shit” Pain wants us to believe that he feeds us bullshit begrudgingly because that’s what we want. “This industry is my circus…I try to stop cursing but I don’t give a fuck…”

Long Lap Dance
The Recession stripper anthem. For them clubs that charge by the song in the V.I.P and be playing half them joints leaving a man’s pockets broke after 5 minutes, (Oh did I say that outloud?) this goes out to you. It’s two-for-ones tonight.

Keep Going
“When I feel like I should quit, I keep going…” Not sure if he’s talking about his career, some chick, or his vocoder but it’skippable either way. Take his advice and keep going when you get to this track.
It Ain’t Me f/T.I.
T.I’s presence on this track is ironic because it’s essentially a middle finger to “You Can Have Whatever You Like.” So unless you’re a stripper or the bartender, all you get from T-Pain is his hard gum and bubble dick.
Change f/ Akon, Mary J. Blige and Diddy
On this remake of Eric Clapton’s “Change The World” guest robot Akon sings: “Race crimes, hate crimes would never exist/ I’ll turn everyone into a hershey’s kisssss and we can eat away our fears…” Fail.

Freeze f/ Chris Brown
T-Pain invites some girl to battle on the dance floor. “Watch me slide on you, watch me ride on ya…” Le sigh…

Blowing Up f/ Ciara
By now I’m getting the idea that T-Pain is really clowning his guests because he’s highlighting just how much these “legit” singers have been altering their voices on their songs, not just him. However, I’m pretty damn sure this song looks better than it sounds. I’ll wait for the video.

Karaoke f/ DJ Khaled
T-Pain gets Khaled to say what he can’t say: He’s fed up with all the “swagger jackers” biting his style, except of course the biggest culprits: Kanye West and Lil Wayne. Which only makes me wonder who the hell is he mad at then? Cuz the rest of the industry is on this CD. Least he finally shouts out Roger Troutman.

Therapy Skit f/ Kanye West
Why is this long ass skit one of the better songs on the album? Kanye’s Midwest drawl is damn near refreshing amidst the constant Twiki from Buck Rogers vocalization. I think he did that shit on purpose. “I’mma make ya’ll beg for me to rap one day, watch.” Mission accomplished.

Can’t Believe It
This is the first single. If you ain’t heard it by now you need to upgrade the radio in your momma’s Datsun. Or get Nahright RSS or something.

Chopped N Skrewed f/ Ludacris
Musical technique as metaphor for blowing backs out. Yo, PInfinite. You know we chop up these bitches.

Digital f/ Tay Dizm
T-Pain saying that “we’re going digital” is like Superhead saying “we’re gonna fuck tonight.”

Superstar Lady f/ Young Cash
“She got stomach like Ciara, hair like Beyonce, Gabrielle Union smile, lips like Ashanti…” ok, word. I’m at that photo shoot. Then he says “I’m K-CI and Jojo and she is my Devante…” Damn, so he be jerkin’ her for production credit? Oh well, at least the beat will go nicely before or after the Ghostown DJs “My Boo” in the playlist.

Reality Show f/ Musiq Soulchild, Raheem Devaughn and Jay Lyriq
T-Pain’s flavor of love has turned him into an American Idol that is making bands think they can dance. But in the real world where fear is a factor this man is a survivor.

Verdict: This will be the soundtrack to the drunken, ignorant half of your office Christmas party so make sure you wear clean underwear. There is definitely some fun factor at this circus, just watch where you step. They just fed the Elephants.

Q-Tip and Kobe Bryant have a lot in common (and no, it has nothing to do with Nas’ baby mother ). As a member of A Tribe Called Quest Kamaal obtained two (and some would argue three) championship rings with the classic Low End Theory and Midnight Marauders. But since parting ways with Phife, Shaheed and Jarobi in 1998, the MC/Actor/DJ and Nicole Kidman dater has been on a quest …er..mission…to obtain a ring on his own.

His first solo effort, Amplified, certainly sold as many units as any Tribe record and changed the genre of hip-hop music videos forever with the bootylicious “Vivrant Thang,” but doesn’t live in folks hearts like his group effort. Amplified was followed by the now commonplace “rappa-turnt-singer” experiment, Kamaal The Abstract, that only lives on the hard drives of a few industry insiders.

After many false starts and name changes (this collection was originally dubbed Live At The Renaissance) Q-Tip has finally deemed his years of work worthy of the masses and the timing couldn’t be better.

Musically, The Renaissance is a compromise between the fun-loving b-boy leanings of Amplified and the ambitious, live instrumentation of Kamaal The Abstract. The bright and inspirational lead single “Gettin’ Up” is built around the pianos of Black Ivory’s “You And I” and is complemented by some extraordinary live bass guitar work. It seems that Tip is channeling his inner rock star as the six-stringed wooden instrument is at the heart of many of the songs, either as a sample or played. From the opening cut “Johnny Dead” to the melancholy but satisfying “You” and “Shaka” Tip gives the sound beds a lush twang, as if he took the J-Dilla produced “Let’s Ride” (with its sample of Joe Pass’ “Giant Steps“) from Amplified and used it as the inspiration for much of this project.

Where Q-Tip surprises is in his lyrical dexterity. Though he is a competent MC with many memorable lines, Tip is rarely mentioned in arguments about “top 5 dead or alive.” However, on The Renaissance he delivers some much- needed, heartfelt couplets that will serve as motivational ear candy for the minority of listeners that still pay attention to such things. On the ambidextrous “We Fight We Love” he laments a war of the hearts and just war in general: “…you get to travel the world, it’s cheaper than college, and you get guns and you get knowledge, lookin for your soul and WMDs, you can’t find nothin’ because it’s empty…”"

Fighting for the hearts and minds of listeners is probably what has delayed the completion of this project: how to make common sense and good vibes relevant in the ring tone era. As a result some gems like the Andre 3000 collab “That’s Sexy” ended up on the cutting room floor but “Believe” got a much needed makeover since the first draft that leaked last year. In the end Q-Tip has succeeded in striking a balance that will satisfy fans of ATCQ while establishing his artistic sovereignty. The verdict is still out on whether The Renaissance brings Tip the championship that he has been seeking but he has made a clear and present case for being a franchise player in this league.

Steal these: “Official” “Life Is Better” (f/Norah Jones)

Watch this: Q-Tip making a beat that will hopefully be a remix to “You” or something

And for even more Tip, watch the highlights of his midnight in-store appearance at New York’s legendary Fat Beats record store below:

As the title implies, Robin Thicke’s latest effort, Something Else, offers an alternative to the mainstay R&B, which lately seems best suited for poppin’ and twerkin’. The largely self produced set is a chivalrous assembly of live instrumentation and intentional vocal arrangements.

The follow up to 2007′s platinum plus, Evolution of Robin Thicke, Something Else takes inspiration from some of R&B’s most respected tenants and offshoots on songs like “Loveman,” which channels the late great Marvin Gaye. The lead single, “Magic,” could have easily been crafted in the soulful enclave of Philadelphia in the late seventies and “Something Else,” the title track, is a charming attempt at disco. Each song is a testament that Thicke definitely respects the classics. However, there is a slight lack of authenticity (aka confidence) that makes Something Else sound more like a sample sale, than instant vintage.

Ironically, the notes and tones that gave Thicke notoriety is where he seems least confident. “You’re My Baby” and “Ms. Harmony” both flaunt Thicke’s popular falsetto which quickly moves from soothing to the soul to at times weighing heavily on the ear. Each song, though, is still noteworthy even if only for their carefully crafted lyrics. Thankfully, when he sings in full voice (“Sidestep,” “Hard On My Love”) the necessary balance is achieved to make the entire effort worth the bullet.

Though at times it could use a little more signature, Something Else is a winner. By keeping the guest appearances to a minimum (“Tie My Hands” featuring Lil Wayne) and not kowtowing to the sudden attention of super producers,Thicke ultimately achieves enough personalization to earn his keep in a kingdom where the self proclaimed kings rely too heavily on the hired help.

Buy this man’s CD.

Something Else is in stores now.

If you stripped Ludacris of his punch lines and robbed Robert Kelly of his ability to sing, then left them in a studio for a month you’d come out with an artist like Nelly; Melodically enjoyable with enough swagger to make you almost spill your drink at the club. While said artist will never find themselves in nerdfest arguments about greatest of anything, he will be a must have in music collections. Ever since his debut in 2000 with Country Grammar Nelly has walked this line of being affable and entertaining without pushing the envelope and his latest, Brass Knuckles is no different.

Cornell Haynes, Jr. plays to the crowd hard on his first release in four years. Rick Ross, T.I. and Gucci Maine are recruited to keep the d-boyz in his corner and veterans Snoop, Chuck D and LL (who gets a not so subtle nod in the albums creatine-enhanced artwork) are there to appease anyone who still cares to argue whether Nelly is “hip-hop” enough.

But Nelly is most comfortable in his “Rhythm and Bruise” lane that mixes copious amounts of crooning with flirtatious four-letter words. A soon-to-be single Usher lends a hand on “Long Night” as Nelly pimps with his signature wit: “He gonna put you in his black book, I’ll put you in the Guiness…some call me Dennis, cuz my Rodman diggin’ in leave ‘em all screamin out daamn…”

The middle of the disc plays like a lock and key party with Nelly pairing off his male and female guests for musical menajes. Akon and Ashanti ruffle the sheets on the formulaic “Body On Me” and Jermaine Dupri leads Ciara by the hand on this CD’s Nike commercial, “My J’z.” However, listeners will raise a collective eyebrow on “Let It Go” where Nelly seems to channel Big Boi from Outkast in both flow and delivery.

The results are pretty good when Nelly hooks up with his St. Lunatic clique on the hard- body “Chill” and the hilarious “Lie” with its absurd hook, “She said you tried to fuuck heerrrr, well she’s a motherfuuuckin liee.”

On the downside “One and Only” is a sappy mish-mash of Champaign’s “Try Again” and Berlin’s “Take My Breath Away” where Nelly decides to sing the whole thing. At least he didn’t break out the ten gallon hat and spurs this time.

With the exception of the I-am-somebody PSA “Self-Esteem,” Brass Knuckles is a collection of the same escapist Maybach music that has dominated much of the airwaves this year. It may not be the knock-out blow to the masses that he was anticipating but Nelly went to the mat for his core listeners.

Bub B, II Trill

Rap-A-Lot/Asylum

Being born and raised in Brooklyn during the 80s I came late to UGK’s Texas Tea party. But with the lack of real substance in mainstream hip-hop nowadays I’ll fly to Mars to get a proper fix. On his second solo CD, II Trill, UGK’s Bun B (ne’ Bernard Freeman) proves once again that he can stand on his own in the face of adversity. The last time Port Arthur, Texas native released a solo album (2005’s Trill) his partner in rhyme, Chad “Pimp C” Butler, was serving a jail sentence for a parole violation. This time around the circumstances are even more unfortunate. In December of 2007 Pimp C passed away from an accidental overdose of promethazine/codiene “syrup” leaving Bun B to carry the UGK flag on his own.

Throughout his career Bun B’s appeal has been his ability to drop lyrics without relying heavily on complicated metaphors and similes. His grown man flow drips with experience (not syrup) on tracks like “Damn I’m Cold” and the thought-provoking “Get Cha Issues.” On the latter he crafts one of the timeliest records of 2008 chastising the PPP posse—preachers, police officers and politicians. “Claim you crackin’ down on the crime, but let’s keep it true, because the biggest criminals in my city is you…”

Collaborations abound with Bun B going from the West Indies to across the states for artists to complement his O.G. status. He double dips in Jamaica getting newbie Sean Kingston on “That’s Gangsta” but reaches back to get Mr. “One Blood” Junior Reid to lend his voice to “If It Was Up To Me.” Stateside the guest list is full with Lil Wayne, Rick Ross, David Banner, Lupe Fiasco, Chamillionaire, 8-Ball and MJG and Young Buck throwing bows with the Underground King.

Continuing an unfortunate trend of posthumous appearances in hip-hop, the late Pimp C appears on one of the last songs they recorded together, “Underground Thang,” and Bun eulogizes his late brother on “Angel In The Sky” which is built around a reworking of Stevie Wonder’s “Ribbon In The Sky.”

Thanks to tight beat work from Jazze Pha, DJ Khalil, Clinton Sparks and Chops Bun B’s II Trill has plenty of drop-top and strip club friendly sound beds, but its Pimps steady and unwavering couplets that touch upon a range of real life topics that give II Trill its real mass appeal.

N.E.R.D
Seeing Sounds
Interscope

From the jump N.E.R.D’s new CD Seeing Sounds smacks me over the head with nostalgia. The cinematic intro to “Time for Some Action” borrows from the score to the movie “Psycho,” a little trick that Busta Rhymes pulled for the video to “Gimme Some More” almost ten years ago. And then after about a minute this rumbling bass and drum combo stirs up memories of the Dismasters’ “Small Time Hustler” from the recesses of my subconscious. By the time its over I’m still not sure what I’ve listened to, which is how I feel throughout much of this CD.

Chuckling is involuntary during “Everyone Nose” with its chant of “all the girls standing in the line for the bathroom,” but “Windows” sounds like it was trying too hard to be Gnarles Barkley and its cheesy guitar and claps sound more like Toni Basil’s “Mickey” chopped and screwed.

On “Anti Matter” Pharrell exploits the lowered bar of lyricism in hip-hop and has developed into a more than tolerable MC, but N.E.R.D is at their best when they aren’t trying too hard. “Yeah You” has great replay value with a stripped down bass line and saxophone melody meshed with a quirky love/hate message tailor-made for internet age love affairs. “Sooner or Later” is just screaming for a cameo from EPMD or Biz Markie with its use of that vintage Joe Tex “Papa Was Too” drum loop but it remains distinctly N.E.R.D with its soothing piano melody and quirky hook.

Unfortunately, “Happy” and “Kill Joy” are straight fast-forward material and the only thing salvageable from the conceptual mess of “Love Bomb” is the beat that they should have given to Common or one of their regulars. The aptly titled “Laugh About It” is what some listeners will do when they reach the end of this collection depending on how many hallucinogens they’ve ingested to get through it.

Overall, Seeing Sounds has flashes of goodness but feels like the Neptunes put it together with their eyes wide shut.

45 times. That’s how often Nas uses the word “nigger” on his new Untitled CD, the one he wanted to name after the racially charged expletive. Honestly, Lil Wayne probably drops more N-bombs on Tha Carter III and more importantly, this CD is pretty damned good, which makes Nas’ emphasis on the word that more disheartening.

The expletive comes in for the first time at around 23 seconds into the first track, “Queens Gets The Money,” a drumless, piano-wrapped declaration of war that sets the collection off with a focus unheard of from Mr. Jones in a very long time. Had it not been for his asinine campaign I probably wouldn’t have even noticed, I’d have been focused on the lyrics and the beats, which are some of the best he’s put together since The Lost Tapes.

Over the smokey guitars of the oft-used Whatnauts sample,“Message From a Black Man,” Nas swaggers through the dimly lit pool halls of our subconscious on “You Can’t Stop Us Now.” With The Last Poets riding shotgun Nas drops a virtual blogroll of the Black experience in America. Sonically Nas seems to have found a cure for his suspect beat selection pulling sounds from a diverse group of boardsmiths (stic.man, Mark Ronson, DJ Toomp, etc.) that keep him focused without putting listeners to sleep. However, one listen to vintage DJ Premier like Jeru’s “The Frustrated Nigga” and you’ll scratch your head as to why the man is still MIA on the tracklisting.

Lyrically Nas flexes a renewed vigor that makes you wonder if he stumbled upon one of his own old rhyme books. He even sounds younger on “Breathe” as he rewinds the clock: “til it rains and my Timbs stain my socks, til I dodge enough shots and the presiding judge slams a mallet… ” The difference between this and some of the missteps of say, Street’s Disciple (“Coon Picnic,” ) is that Nas isn’t trying too hard. Unlike that baffling “Be A Nigger Too” that was thankfully left off the final product, “N.I.G.G.E.R.” is the song I want to play outside of Jesse Jackson’s window on level 10: “We trust no black leaders/use the stove to heat us/powdered eggs and government cheeses/the calendars with Martin, JKF and Jesus…yeah I’m from the ghetto, where old black women talk about their sugar level…”

For the past few albums Nas has employed gimmicks to get attention and raise the ire of his detractors. But the truth is he always got the most praise for simply putting his heart into a verse and letting the music speak for itself, not his marketing team/scheme. Instead now this CD has achieved Voldemort status as “that which will not be mentioned” doing a disservice to an otherwise accomplished collection.