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The more things change, the more the diaper is sure to keep filling with the same sh*t. The Hangover became the top-grossing R-Rated movie of all time thanks to some relatable characters in familiar settings under extraordinary and hilarious circumstances.  In the much-anticipated sequel they ruin the formula that made it great by alienating us from the characters, placing them in unfamiliar settings and putting them in over-the-top, completely unrealistic situations.

After ditching the bartender-f*ckin banshee from the original movie Stu (Ed Helms) is set to get married to a lovely woman from Thailand named Lauren (Jamie Chung). In predictable fashion his future father-in-law hates him and thinks he’s softer than Kid Cudi playing bingo at Betty White’s house.   But Stu is certain he will win them over and get his blessing some how.

Stu wants no part of a bachelor party because of what happened the first time in Vegas. He tells his friends he will settle for a quiet brunch at IHop where no one can slip a roofie into his chocolate milk. Of course his boy Phil (Bradley Cooper) pisses on that idea because he just saw Old School and is going to keep ripping off Vince Vaughn’s character Bernard, who was also an unhappily married instigator looking to have fun at his boy’s expense.

Anyway…

Stu rightfully blames Alan(Zach Galifianakis) for what happened the first time and doesn’t want him at his wedding, but the writers know that you can’t possibly recreate the insanity of the first movie without bringing back the culprit responsible. So Stu relents and allows the “Wolf Pack” to reassemble for a trip to Thailand. The big difference here is that Alan was a funny, some-what-likeable idiot with good intentions but bad judgement. This time around he’s just a straight a$$hole with a mean streak that lives with his mom. Think will Ferrell’ s character from Wedding Crashers minus the sex drive.

Phil reprises his role as the least dysfunctional of the trio (Doug smartly stays out of trouble in this one, too). But when he makes comments like Stu’s fiance has a “nice rack for an Asian” you’re quickly reminded that this was the same jerk who collected school funds from kids to pay for Vegas.

So all hell breaks loose when Stu’s future brother-in-law Teddy winds up missing after a harmless night of  drinking beer and toasting marshmallows on the beach. They wake up in a dirty Bangkok hotel with shaved heads, facial tattoos and a monkey performing fellatio  on a sleeping party guest.

From that point they attempt to offend everyone possible while recycling every joke from the first movie in this paint-by-numbers, Rube Goldberg-esque plot. There are riots. People are shot. Monks are kidnapped. Transvestite strippers take The Crying Game to unspeakable places ( hint, Stu literally cries). The drug dealer from Limitless (Andrew Howard) even cameos as…wait for it…a drug dealer named Nikolai! Unfortunately, there is no special pill to help Bradley Cooper think his way out of this sh*t storm of rehashed gags.

I can’t delve deeper into how badly the plot unravels without spoiling it so if you masochists insist on punishing yourselves check out the Hangover 2. After you watch it we can argue about on Twitter @ShawnHempmovies

More movie rants from Shawn Hemp…

Sanctum: AKA “Don’t Mess With Mother Nature’s Booty Hole”

Chronicles Of Narnia 3, AKA Voyage Of The Magic Bong

Denzel And The Dude From Star Trek Save America In “Unstoppable”

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