New York City is known for a lot of things, but most of those are NOT things that attract the average Christian to come for a visit.
In spite of a long running rep for raunch, the Empire State has managed to become the home of not one, but two celebrity athlete/Jesus Freaks in newly named Jet, Tim “One-Knee” Tebow and the Knicks former Bible instructor, turned proven point guard Jeremy “Linsanity” Lin. There’s no telling what kind of good wholesome havoc these two could wreak by joining forces in the city that never sleeps. But here’s a few loose thoughts….
1) Get VIP seating for Skip Bayless in St.Patrick’s Cathedral.
Every star has cheerleaders and when it comes to Tebowmania, NOBODY has had their pom-poms higher than ESPN analyst Skip Bayless. From the beginning of his Bronco run, to his press conference as a Jet, Skips had his autographed face in the front row for it all. And while the naysayers were quick to dismiss Lin’s Big Apple breakout as overrated, Skip skipped in and dubbed the crouching couch surfer a hidden dragon. And if the faith of a saint ain’t worthy of a pew with a view for Sundays first big game, whose is?
2) Start a bounty program for Stephen A. Smith’s soul.
Now if Skip is the angel on the shoulder of NYC then his counterpart Stephen A. Smith represents the horny Red man with no Method. Not only is the guy that loves to hate Bayless constantly on the attack when it comes to Tebow, remaining painfully neutral (at best) in the face of Skip’s full-wheel drive, but the self-proclaimed Knicks fan has also gone on the record calling Lin “an average player.” Such blasphemy must surely be the work of a cursed tongue. And if the NFL can put some money on hurting, Lin-Bow can spend a bit for helping. After all, the Lord loves charity.
3) Pass a collection plate at halftime.
Any fan of these dudes would have to agree that between Tebow’s hail Mary passes and Lin’s heaven-sent season saving, you are witnessing miracles in action. And as long as they can keep Al Sharpton out of the paint, the collections can go to good causes around the league like keeping Allen Iverson’s braids tight, getting Antoine Walker’s ring and Terrell Owen’s manhood back and getting JR Smith off Twitter.
4) Replace beer and pizza with the Body & Blood of Christ
Church is as church does, and getting rid of food that causes the rowdy behavior that gives sports such a bad rep in the first place can only help the greater good. Maybe if somebody would have hit Ron Artest with the blood of Christ instead of a liter of Lowenbrau, we might not have had such… unpleasantness in the Palace. Of course we probably wouldn’t have Metta World Peace on the court. Sounds like a win win all the way around!
5) Grant Amnesty To Occupy Wall Street Protestors
With the church being one of the largest real estate holders in the city, it would only be right of Lin and ‘Bow could obtain a pardon for the part time residents of Zucotti Park and allow them sleep on the ground in peace. It’s what Jesus would do.
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