Rap music has gone through its highs and lows. In 2011, rap was at its most polarizing. Whether the debate was to praise or condemn new rappers like Lil B and Tyler The Creator, rap has given the masses something to talk about for the past year.
One thing we can all agree on is there were some seriously stupid lyrics in songs. While we probably rapped right along with the silliness if the song knocked, it doesn’t change the fact that they lowered our collective IQs.
Take a look at some of the most popular songs of the year with ridiculous lines.
Kanye West – “Party”
“You a bad girl and your friends bad too/She got the swag sauce, she drippin’ swagu.”
First of all, ‘swag’ is one of the most overused words in hip-hop’s lexicon. We need to leave it in 2011 along with snapbacks. Secondly, swag sauce? Swagu? Really? I wonder is swagu only available to those who are able to plank on millions and destroy Maybachs for a measly four minute video clip. Swag sauce must be the drink of choice for Illuminati members because I have yet to see any mere mortals dripping with swagu.
Drake – “I’m On One”
“Me and 40 back to work, but still smell like a vacation.”
That line is code for, “I haven’t washed my a** in months.” If that’s the case, someone tell Drake to come find me. I have a Shoprite Price Plus card he can use to get all the soap, wash cloths, and deodorant he needs to survive. In order to redeem himself of this filthy line, he must purify himself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka. Who am I kidding, even the special powers of Lake Minnetonka can’t get rid of that much festering bacteria. However, I’m sure he’d be able to keep a woman and have to write pathetic love poems if he washed his ass sometimes.
Nicki Minaj – “Superbass”
“This one is for the boys with the boomin’ system/Top down, AC with the coolin’ system.”
“Superbass” was one of the biggest singles of the year. Partially, because of the melody and the speed at which Nicki Minaj rapped. With her rapping all fast, she slid that stupid line right past us. Why in the world would you have the top down and still have the air conditioner on?! I know she’s balling on a level most of us can’t, but gas prices are still high as all hell and you know she must drive something that posts terrible miles per gallon numbers. Someone find out if the Prius comes with a convertible top option. She’s going to need it.
Chris Brown – “Look At Me Now” “Oops, I said on my d**k/I ain’t really mean to say my d**k/But since we’re talking about my d**k/All you haters say hi to it”
This year was tumultuous for C. Breezy. He had his first number one album with F.A.M.E., but that was overshadowed when he threw a hissy fit and a chair at Good Morning America after being asked questions about beating up Rihanna. Why didn’t just respond to Robin Roberts with this line? Oh, because it’s dumb! Chris, the only people talking about your dick are groupies, fans whose thirst runneth over, and probably dudes like Antoine Dodson. Nobody else really cares. Lastly, fire whichever person who told you your raps were what the game was missing!
Dr. Dre – “I Need A Doctor”
“One more CD and I’m packing my bags I’m leaving/I’ll guarantee they’ll scream, Dre don’t leave us like that”
With this line, it’s obvious Dr. Dre is still living in the past. Had this song come out around 2000, it would be a different story. However, dude has had us waiting for Detox for 13 years. Nobody cares anymore. I respect him as one of the best producers ever, but last time I was checking for a Dr. Dre album, I was in middle school bumping “The Next Episode.” This new generation of hip-hop fans truly only know him for pushing expensive headphones. So if he packed his ghostwritten rap bags and left the booth, I’m sure nobody would notice.
Wale – “Lotus Flower Bomb”
“I wanna enjoy the luxury of like not really knowing each other”
This line is stupid not because it it doesn’t make sense, but because of how it’s worded. The whole point of the hip-hop love song is to celebrate the period in a new relationship when you’re discovering new things about each other. I can vibe with that. So why would you tell a girl you’re pursuing that you want to enjoy the fact you don’t her. Most females I know would automatically dismiss a potential suitor because she would probably feel like he was just trying to smash. Fellas, don’t follow behind Wale. He might be able to get away with this because of who he is. You are not Wale, so don’t even try it.
Lil Wayne – “She Will”
“I tried to pay attention but attention paid me”
In all honesty, if I had a few months I wanted to waste on writing something truly mundane, I could write a book on all the dumb thing Weezy has said over the years. Weezy almost outdoes himself with “She Will.” Though many will brush this off as Wayne not able to rap that well anymore because he’s sober, I’m not buying it. I’ll chalk this line up to too many years of incestuous behavior with Baby. See what happens when you are getting kissed in the mouth by your daddy at almost 30? It is a proven fact incestuous behavior causes mental retardation. I’m just saying…
Andre 3000 – “Party” whole verse
3 Stacks gets called the male Lauryn Hill quite a bit. He might be entering his cuckoo-for-cocoa-puffs phase. On a song talking about partying and being with that special someone, Andre Benjamin manages to talk about making a woman climax, how old his son makes him feel, and shout his homeboys Butta and Cheese. Um, what the hell is he talking about?! This verse reminds me of the “In Living Color” skit when Damon Wayans is the guy in prison using big words without understanding the true definitions of the words. ‘The constipation of my dissertation is about the reciprocation of the nation!’ That last sentence made about as much sense as Andre 3000’s “Party” verse.
Tyga – “Rack City”
“If you aint got no a** b***h wear a poncho”
Young Money disciples, please do not try to defend this. Ponchos are made to protect your clothes from the rain. Why exactly would a female have to wear a poncho if she had a flat back with a crack? Plus, if we’re using “rack” as slang for a set of breasts, why would her not having a butt matter? Ah well, I don’t listen to his music anyway. Don’t know why I even said anything.
I don’t like to criticize people who sell records, because I know how hard it is. But some of this stuff sounds crazy. There are so many collaborations where an artist doesn’t do a full song. You got a guy saying he’s top dog with 12 dudes on the verse. To have to deliver three verses in a record you have to be a beast. Having all these other people on the song is some b*llshit.
Yelawolf – “Throw It Up”
“Here the king of archery come, with that cracker d**k/ To f**k you in the p***y carpet you munch”
Yelawolf always said some off the wall crap in his lyrics, but this definitely takes the cake. The”king of archery” part is understandable. It’s crass, but understandable. However, the second half leaves me dazed and confused. The problem is he is talking to a man in the song so….yeah. Fall back Yela. That Eminem co-sign is only going to get you but so far. You have to do something better than this!
Plies – “Just The Tip”
“We aint gotta do nothin/Let me put the head in/I won’t move for nothin though/I’m dead serious”
I am baffled as to how this guy got a record deal. His voice is irritating. As for this song, I just shake my head. I’ve heard R&B thugs beg for some bedroom attention, but rappers are always looking for a bigger and better deal. Plies is pleading just to get a whiff of her goods. If you have to do all of that, she most likely had no intentions of sleeping with you from jump. Begging to just put the tip in only solidifies you are a cornball and won’t find out what style Vicky Secrets she has on. Sidebar: ladies, if you allow a dude to convince you to let him stick the head in, I question the type of parental guidance you’ve had in your life.