Sitting next to our resident film critic Ethan Alter has its merits. My movie questions never go unanswered, and by way of proximity, I’ll never have to get Netflix. Recently I copped Wanted to see how Angelina Jolie could sexy up a gun from Ethan, and in the film, there was Common as an assassin. More than a cameo, Common essentially turned what would have been an otherwise awesome action flick into drinking game based around when he looked like he was about to say “Chicago, ya’ll” and pine for Pharrell’s approval.
Now, contrary to popular belief, I’m all for rappers getting their shine on in film. Law & Order: SVU wouldn’t be what it was if it wasn’t for Ice-T and Andre 3000 was the only good part about Four Brothers. But at some point, rappers who are better at rapping becoming actors has to stop.
Here’s a couple of rappers (and one singer) who will inevitably ruin your favorite film franchise.
Common in Terminator: Salvation
Like Harrison Ford and Orlando Bloom, Hollywood’s looking to make Christian Bale a double bill. Already the best Batman (sorry, Michael Keaton), Bale is going to be the adult version of John Connor in the fourth installation of the apocalyptic Terminator saga. Only some one convinced the studio that it would be a good idea to bring Common along for the ride.
What’s wrong with this?
The only thing worse than clearly seeing The RZA’s Wu-Tang tattoo in American Gangster was having to sit through Common’s performance. It was almost as bad as listening to Okayplayer people lecture on me on how ahead of its time Electric Circus was, when they know it wasn’t.
Unless Common takes on the role of a rapping robot who can have his entire programming rewired by an android who bears a striking resemblance to Erykah Badu, I don’t want to see it.
Even if that is the case, I still don’t want to see it.
Want to know who else makes the list? Be sure to peep Shahendra Ohneswere’s hilarious rant over at GIANT!
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