Fantasia Barrino is the latest in a long line of celebrities who have been dumb enough to have sex tapes.
Paula Cook, the wife of Fantasia’s boyfriend (yeah, you read that right) Antwuan Cook, alleges in a recently filed lawsuit that her husband and the homewrecking American Idol winner recorded themselves doing the nasty on several occasions.
Our sense of curiosity has gotten the best of us when it comes to sex tapes starring Montana Fishburne Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, and even Pam Anderson & Tommy Lee’s legendary videotaped romp, but it’s not morbid enough to make us want to watch Fantasia and her married lover gettin’ it in.
RELATED: Fantasia Hospitalized For Overdose
Here are a few things we’d rather watch instead…
1. Fat Joe’s Shirtless Performance On MTV’s Spring Break 2002.
There’s a reason why Joseph Cartegena uses the stage name “Fat Joe.” (Spoiler: It’s because he’s one corpulent mofo)
During this appearance at MTV’s Spring Break in 2002, Obese Joseph decided to perform his duet with Ashanti, “What’s Love,” sans shirt, and in the process, probably scarred many Spring Break attendees for life.
Even with Joe’s chesticles on full display, we’d rather watch this than Fantasia’s sex tape.
2. The Ugandan action film Who Killed Captain Alex?
Just look at the trailer! This no-budget action film from Africa looks so bad, that it just might end up being one of the greatest movies ever. Check out that CGI!!! We’re heading over to the shops on Nostrand and Fulton in Brooklyn immediately after work to see if we can find a bootleg of this.
3. Eddie Murphy & Michael Jackson’s music video for “Whatzupwitu”
This video sucks. The song is a hundred times worse. We’d still rather sit and watch these two legends fail on repeat for hours on end than watch Fantasia’s sex tape.
Despite it’s bad rep, Mariah Carey’s box-office bomb Glitter was quite an accomplishment. Up until it’s release in 2001, Mariah Carey was virtually bulletproof. Everything she touched turned to platinum.
Except this movie.
Over the course of 104 minutes of film, Mariah’s attempt to become a movie star almost single-handedly killed her music career. Her multimillion dollar record deal with Virgin records was almost immediately ripped up and tossed out a window, and she wouldn’t land a decent role in a movie again until Precious in 2009. But it’s probably still more enjoyable than Fantasia’s sex tape would be.
5. Lauryn Hill’s MTV Unplugged
By even saying that Lauryn Hill did something that wasn’t spectacular, we’re leaving ourselves open to all sorts of criticism. Let’s be totally honest. Lauryn’s 2001 performance on MTV’s Unplugged series was just totally heartbreaking, not because Lauryn’s songs were so heartfelt and full of emotion, but because homegirl apparently only knows three chords on the guitar and played those same three chords for close to two hours while having an emotional breakdown in front of video cameras and an audience. This is fascinating stuff, and more entertaining than watching Fantasia’s sex tape.
6. This lady after finding out that her favorite make-up store has shut down.
She looks like she’d turn violent and start throwing trash cans and small animals at people. We’ll be across the street watching and eating popcorn.
7. 4 Years Worth Of YouTube Uploads From Soulja Boy
As of today, the young rapper has over 400 videos uploaded to his YouTube account where he’s dancing to songs, showing off the stuff he’s wasted his money on, and a host of other things that would probably make Martin Luther King re-evaluate the Civil Rights movement.
In spite of his blingnorance, we’d rather watch these all of these vids than Fantasia Barrino’s sex tape.
8. MC Hammer’s “Pumps & A Bump” Video
Too much of Hammer’s hammer, and not enough pumps or bumps, but enough pumps and bumps to make this better viewing than Fantasia’s sex tape!
9. Photos of Alicia Keys that haven’t been retouched.
Her acne game is even better than her home-wrecking skills.
10. Fantasia Barrino on the season 3 finale of American Idol.
Because the way she handles the mic on stage, not the bedroom, is what really matters to the public!
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