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The iPhone is coming.

Have you seen the commercials for the new iPhone 4 and iPod Touch with Face Time, the camera app that allows real-time video chat?  They’re all sweet and innocent with a dad talking to his daughter about her braces or a loving wife telling her husband that she is pregnant for the first time:

But let’s be real. We all know what those are cameras are REALLY going to get used for. The days of texting “what you wearin?” are gone. Now it will be time to show and prove. So for all of you trying to keep the spice in a long distance relationship or (getting things started with the new neighbor across the hall), here are 5 simple tips to make the most of your face time.

1) Charge Your Battery

I know this sounds elementary but the last thing you want  is for the screen to go blank when you’re about to see her “oh” face.

2) Lotion. lotion. lotion.

Again, this isn’t for just the obvious reasons. Ashy to classy is the goal. The resolution on the iPhone video camera is pretty good so it will not disguise flaws like that crappy web cam you may have been using up until now.  Come correct if you want to…come correct.

3) Be Creative.

A mobile web cam is the mother of all foreplay tools. You’re not chained to your desktop or even your laptop. You can indulge in your exhibitionist tendencies anywhere with a wi-fi signal. So play a game of truth or dare with some kinky consequences. I dare you.

4) Strip Poker.

Now you can finally ditch that stupid game of solitaire you downloaded and get down to some serious one-handed deck shuffling. Texas Hold Em will take on a whole new meaning.

5) Hang Up!

Another obvious point that cannot be overstated. Many a man has been betrayed by a cell phone that kept him on the line way past his time. When you’re done making your iPod touch earn its name don’t just pass out in post-orgasmic bliss with the line still connected. You might find your half-naked ass on Ustream getting clowned by Kat Stacks. (or like home girl below)

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[fromTheBVX.com ]

Dwight Howard’s Ex Calls Police After He Picks Up Son [from Blackvoices.com]

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