He-Man vs. Lion-O. It’s an analog era battle for that was destined to be.  One is a hard working immigrant forced into service before his time and the other is a privileged symbol of white patriarchy, right down to his co-opted melanin when it’s time to scrap. One rides a cat into battle while the other IS a cat. It’s an oppressed vs oppressor narrative to the core.

However, the two have more in common than you’d think. Both are sword-wielding man-child’s in a not so promised land trying to save their respective planets from evil. Both of their foes are pretty much the walking dead and their diminutive sidekicks can’t stay out of trouble. Not to mention they both have questionable taste in fashion and yell at the heavens in time of need. You would think their quasi religious zealotry would bond them, but no. The fight is never-ending.

So in our first ever “Insta-Battle” we observed the two action figures in a real-world 2014 settings to help us decide once and for all who is the baddest hyphenated hero.