Dear Blackman,
Am I crazy or stupid for continuing to date a guy (with no type of commitment) that I know has gotten another woman pregnant? He hasn’t told me about the baby yet but I found out the same time he did. The other woman is ten weeks pregnant and they are still seeing each other. I am in love with him and I don’t care that he’s having a baby with someone else as long as he still wants to be with me. Of course I eventually want to be with him exclusively, but for now I am content in sharing him with the other woman. Am I kidding myself? She does have a trump card in the form of his DNA after all. When we’re together he makes me feel so sexy and special. Although I’ve tried dating other guys, none of them even come close to comparing to him. I end up just missing him more and wishing he were there with me instead of the others. I know I shouldn’t compare other guys to him but I can’t help it. What should I do?
-Addicted
The Blackman:
Hi Addicted,
I feel you need to step back for a moment and really look at your situation. You are running on a lot of emotions and no rationale.
Take into consideration these key points:
1) He is having a baby with another woman and you said he did not even tell you about it– you found out. So how did you find out? Clearly, he was not upfront with you about this.
2) You are not in any type of committed situation with him. Even if you were, that would be even worse. If he is not committed to you now what makes you think that eventually he would want to be?
3) If he has just been dating the both of you on a non-committal level, what makes you think that there may not be other people he is involved with as well? You don’t even know.
It seems like you have a lot of feelings for this man but sticking around is only going to create an appetite of destruction for you. It will be only more drama that you will possibly endure from him and the baby’s mother.
I strongly urge you to be done with him and move on. You will get over the heartache. I am sure you will find someone that is available that will make you feel good that you can fall in love with.
Good Luck.
TBM
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