So I was sitting in my house watching Breaking Bad, trying to figure out if my neighborhood has been gentrified enough to turn my closet into a meth lab when I get an email about new music from Juvenile of Cash Money fame. I figured a lil Nawlins would be the perfect motivation to match my current business ambitions, so I hit play on “LL Cool” prepared to zone to some hard-hitting lyrics. Then Thirty-two seconds into the first verse… it all went wrong.
“Nigga open his mouth on me, I’m gone open his soul/Nigga open his ass for me, I’m gone open his hole…”
I pushed stop, turned off the computer, unplugged the power, shook off the chills and made my way to the nearest set of breasts I could find. And while I on the way to the Dominican hair salon (It’s closer than the strip club and there’s no drink minimum), I had one thought that refused to leave me alone…
Where were your boys?!
What in the name of Hot 97 is was going on in the studio? With all this Mister Cee mist in the air, nobody you run with thought this lyric was a bit too WTF’ish for your first rhyme back in awhile? That fresh prison love may actually get you the ears of a very alternative lifesty… I mean, audience? That the talk of what you’ll do to a mans opening probably wont be the best thing for Cash Money’s, shall we say, hetero-flexible image? No one who cares about you thought to stop the session and say: “Hey Juvie… Yeah, I know I got the session, just had to ask you a question. Hey that rhymed! But anyway… remember that DJ up in NY he kept getting caught by the cops for getting his brotherly love on with no Philly? You know he just got caught again right? Yeah! Sure did! Cats had jokes as far as when Baby kissed Wayne back in the day, saying he should be the DJ for the tour. Hahahaha! Stupid right? So about that first verse… ”
Now lets get this straight… (no pun intended) I’ve no hate in my blood for anyone of any lifestyle. If you’re a guy that don’t like the girls, that means less competition for me when we hit the club and for that, I salute ya. But unless Juvie is trying to tell us that his new Soulja rag is rainbow colored, he might wanna be a bit more aware of his words and a little less attentive to the holes of the homeboys. Otherwise he might as well start the 2nd verse off with “I likes ya, and I wants ya…”