No one likes an arrogant a**hole, but if that pompous individual happens to drop 81 points, 6 rebounds, 3 blocks and 2 assists in one NBA game, we’ll turn the other cheek! Kobe Bryant‘s attitude is often offensive to losers, but how mad can you be when he has five shiny reasons to be so damn confident?

Today, Bryant turned 34, and what better way to describe one of the greatest players to run the hardwood than with 14 quotes from none other than, well…himself (who else would be able to put such royalty into words?)

“These young guys are playing checkers. I’m out there playing chess.”

Do you play Backgammon?

“I don’t want to be the next Michael Jordan, I only want to be Kobe Bryant.”

Michael Jordan: Who the h*ll is this? Kobe: You have something on the back of your sweater, let me get it.

“It doesn’t matter to me what place I get traded to. If I was traded someplace—I’d play anywhere.”

Unless it’s China…

“What I’m doing right now, I’m chasing perfection.”

Kobe: Why is this person in my picture?

“I’ve played with IVs before, during and after games. I’ve played with a broken hand, a sprained ankle, a torn shoulder, a fractured tooth, a severed lip, and a knee the size of a softball. I don’t miss 15 games because of a toe injury that everybody knows wasn’t that serious in the first place.”

Dammit, I scuffed my Kobe’s…

“I’m not the most patient of people.”

Please. Bare with me.

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“We all know what flopping is when we see it. The stuff that you see is where guys aren’t really getting hit at all and are just flailing around like a fish out of water.”

Flopping…just like my rap career did.

“If I panic, everyone else panics.”

This is true.

“The guy said NBA players are one in a million, … I said, ‘Man, look, I’m going to be that one in a million.”

Aaliyah is my favorite artist.

“I was just letting the shots fly. You know, I don’t leave any bullets in the chamber.”

Unless Ron Artest is playing, you gotta have one on deck for his crazy a**

“I had some shots that I felt like I should’ve made; I just didn’t make them. I’m not going to shoot the ball great every night.”

Damn, if only I can pass the ball to myself…

“I’m not changing my game whatsoever”

“I’ve pretty much done all I can here and, you know, God will carry me the rest of the way, so I’m pretty comfortable with that.”

He told me. We speak all the time…

“The whole Michael thing does drive me nuts sometimes because people won’t leave it alone. He’s bald, I have hair. He’s almost 40, I’m 22. Seriously though, I wish people would let it be and let me just be Kobe.”

Jordan has six rings, I have five.



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