Fantasizing about Beyonce used to be about as common as texting while walking. However, in recent times it seems to be relegated to more discreet praise. Maybe it’s the whole being married to the Black Warren Buffet (you did hear what he said in “Threat,” right?) the fact that she’s a mom now or fear of the Illuminati, but publicly lusting for Bey Bey seems to have gone underground. (Check this poll for proof)
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But thanks to the latest issue of GQ magazine, we’ve gotten new fodder for our inappropriate thoughts about the one-woman show. As if the photos aren’t enough, there are several tidbits from the interview that have our imaginations running wild like Katt Williams on bath salts.
Here are five facts we gleaned from the interview and how our sick and twisted minds distorted them.
1) FACT: She videotapes almost everything. According to GQ Beyonce has an archive room where she has collected years of private footage that she can recall at will.
FANTASY: So we’re going to go ahead and imagine that there HAS to be several minutes of digitized King B in her birthday suit getting charged on her husband’s power mat SOMEWHERE.
2) FACT: She sings to her hubby. It sounds really obvious, but you’d think that the last thing a married couple wants to do is bring work home. However, Beyonce puts those platinum pipes to work serenading Jigga with “Cold Play” over candlelight.
FANTASY: She raps to her man. We don’t know about you, but the idea of Bey juggling both the bars and hook to “Feelin It” or “Hello Brooklyn” makes us wish there was a “Jigga Taught Me” remix tape on the way.
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3) FACT: She likes to watch herself. The Player/Coach revealed that she reviews every performance like it’s game tape. “I watch my performances, and I wish I could just enjoy them, but I see the light here was late….I try to perfect myself. I want to grow.”
FANTASY: Beyonce is going to grow…to about 50 feet tall, delighting Macrophiliacs everywhere.
4)FACT: She’s a fighter. Beyonce’s sister Solange confessed that Bey had threatened to put the paws on a few haters in Junior High School.
FANTASY: Sasha Fierce secretly participates in underground KY wrestling matches.
5) FACT: Beyonce is confident: “I’m more powerful than my mind can even digest and understand.”
FANTASY: Beyonce is a Super Saiyan. Or something. We secretly look forward to seeing her sport an orange leotard as Vixen in the “Justice League” movie.
Watch the behind the scenes footage of Beyonce’s GQ shoot and let us know what new (or old) fantasies you whipped up.
