My Family Will Not Accept My Black Boyfriend.What Should I Do?

Dear Blackman,

I am a white Christian woman who met an amazing black Christian man who believes in God the same way I do. We are what you call, “equally yoked”. He is the sweetest, most caring man I have ever met and is everything I have asked God to bring into my life. The only thing is that although I don’t see the color, which I think is beautiful, and I see his great big smile, and his tender voice and touch that tells me everything is going to be okay, I am scared of what my family will think. I grew up in the 70’s & 80’s where racism was still flowing in a small hick town. And I heard the ugly, and nasty comments from my dad that a girl SHOULD NEVER have to hear. I never understood it and did not like it, but was guilty of using the “N” word just because it was “the thing done” in my family. So how do I tell my parents and family if this man is the right one for me? I don’t want to be disowned, but at the same time, men like the one I just met only come once in a life time. And I owe him a big apology for my past words I used and should not have.

Thank you for reading my email and I welcome any thing you may have to say to me.

Sincerely,

islandestiny

The Blackman:

Hi Islandestiny,

This is a true example of the phrase “love is blind.” God creates love in all colors, shapes, and sizes. It is a wonderful thing that you have found the love of your life. Many people search a lifetime for that and do not succeed in that quest.

It seems like a tough crossroads in introducing your partner to your family. However,  just like you had a breakthrough in love, you may create a breakthrough in resolving the prejudice your family has for black people by doing so. Anyone who genuinely cares about someone always wants to see that person happy. If they see the joy that this man brings to your life, it could make a difference in their beliefs. It might not be an easy road to take but it is worth the effort. It may not change their minds but it can’t hurt to try.

You may be surprised that some people in your family may feel the same way you do but may not have the courage to act on it because they are afraid of how they will be viewed. That is very common. It is tough because family is important but so is your own happiness.

As far as you using the ” N “word when you were younger, that was a example of ignorance and also learned behavior. You may have said it just because your family said it and also at the time may have not known the true meaning to it. An apology is fine but your man already knows the type of person that you are. An even better thing is to enlighten someone else about it so they don’t do the same thing.

I wish you the best of luck.