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You can’t make stuff like this up if you tried to. A 70-year-old inmate received the worst pain of his life when he somehow got a four-inch fork lodged in his penis.

The prisoner was heavily into autoerotic stimulation. He figured he would get his rocks off by forcing the eating utensil into the head of his manhood. However, he didn’t experience any pleasure; only pain. According to the three surgeons it took to remove the fork, the prisoner arrived to the hospital complaining of pains in his penis. When he told the doctors what the issue was, they were a little skeptical because they couldn’t see the utensil because it was lodged so far into the prisoner’s member.

In order to remove the cocktail fork, the prisoner was put under massive amounts of anesthesia. The surgeons got the fork out of the man’s penis by using lots of lubricants and forceps. While this may seem wild to us civilians, doctors deal with this kind of thing all of the time. The surgeons wrote about this encounter in  the International Journal of Surgery Case Reports. They wrote, “It is apparent that the human mind is uninhibited let alone creative. Autoerotic stimulation with the aid of self-inserted urethral foreign bodies has been existent since time immemorial and have presented an unusual but known presentation to urologists.” in the article, they also detail removing other foreign objects from humans such as toothbrushes, pencils, and light bulbs.

So in the prison he was at, they didn’t have a library with books that had sex scenes written in them? I mean, rubbing one out isn’t the ideal way to reach a climax, but it’s certainly a lot safer than sticking a fork all in your johnson!

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