So I was at home eating some weed brownies and watching “Robot Chicken” on Adult Swim thinking about Nas and Kelis’ poor kid. I feel bad for him, but not because of the divorce or anything. That’s just life. Kids grow up with single parents every day.

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But here are the real reasons I think their kid is gonna need therapy.

10) Your stepsister had her baby seat skeeted on by Jay-Z and he made a song about it.

9) Your parents had sex with blindfolds and made a song about it.

8 ) Your friends will have both of these songs on their iPods and torture you with them.

7) Your uncle’s name is “Jungle.” He will swear to you he is a rapper. Don’t believe him.

6) Your dad can’t drive but owns many cars. You will be his chauffeur one day.

5) Your birth will be on Twitter

4) People have seen your mom naked. Many times. She’s hot. Deal with it.

3) Your mom has been photographed wearing gold fronts that made her look like a winner on Flavor of Love. Wait…there are no winners on Flavor of Love, just survivors.

2) Your dad would rather get beats from Chris Webber than DJ Premier.

1) One or both of your parents were probably as high as I am right now when you were conceived. Your THC levels will be off the charts until you’re 30. Good luck finding a job. Hope you can sing, kiddo.

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