This Labor Day Weekend The Urban Daily wanted to highlight some of the hardest jobs in the music business. In no particular order we list the gigs that all college guidance counselors should steer their students away from.
Forget driving Ms Dazy, when it comes to shuttling around celebrities it’s more like driving Ms Crazy. Not only do you have to drive the getaway car after nightclub shootings and take bribes to say the gun is yours, you might even get killed by a dumb ass basketball player playing with his gun.
Radio Program Director
This job is a magic trick to pull off because you have to dictate what people hear on the air but at the same time insist that you’re “giving the people what they want” when you play the same songs 20 times a day.
Not only are you at the mercy of the Program Director who insists you play bullsh*t, you have to sneak in some actually good music during your 1am to 4 am time slot and still have to confront the drug dealers turned record execs at your club gig who want to know why you aren’t playing their records at the day job.
You are essentially a hired scapegoat who is charged with finding new talent that the label will ultimately not release music from or totally under-promote. With Tom from Myspace trying to make you completely obsolete you pay your bills by leaking music. (see Product manager)
The record label pays you to make sure a crappy record gets airplay no matter what. (See Program Director.)
You are paid to convince us that this artist is worth a damn when you know deep down they’re a tax write-off for the label. Your artists miss appointments and scheduled interviews forcing you to take editors to lunch and send apologetic Tweets. (See Blogger/Journalist)
When the publicist is off of baby-sitting duty you are the day-to-day pacifier for the artist and their entourage of ten. Your foreign currency conversion skills are unmatched because your artists insist on buying the latest Air Force Ones in Germany with Euros they won in backstage dice games. You may have to break the occasional paparazzi camera as well.
When your artist is too hung-over from a night of Patron and pill popping to take photos for their album cover you must find a way to photoshop them in or take one from their Myspace page. And pray to God that the record doesn’t leak or it’s your head.
Weed Carrier/Hype Man
Not only must you have the best Sour on you at all times, you must carry jewels and run to the store for Redbull and condoms at any hour of the night. You must also facilitate liaisons between the rapper and groupies. If you’re not smart enough to get yours first you must settle for sloppy seconds. Do your job well and you may get a verse or two here or there.
You are the busiest person in entertainment. Whether it’s challenging paternity, civil suits for wrongful death or a nightclub shooting (see limo driver) your Batphone rings constantly. Even if you don’t win your case you must negotiate the rights for the reality TV show of their prison bid.
You negotiate around outrageous bar guarantees with club owners and spend your days printing flyers and blasting emails about your events. Your hope is to get way more people to come than can actually fit in the venue and that no one gets shot waiting on the line outside.
You never sleep. Ever. You get dozens of emails a day from publicists to cover their artists but there are fewer and fewer outlets willing to actually pay you for your work. You’ve had to trade in your pen for an video camera having to compete with the same artists and their U-Stream channels for scoops. And thanks to Word Press everyone thinks they can do what you do. If it weren’t for open bar parties and checks from Google ads you’d quit today.