Hello Black Man:

I have been seeing a man off and on for about 2 years. We’ve always used condoms, no question from either of us on that. But the last few times he has not used one. I asked him why he has not used one and he responded that it wasn’t a big deal. I just don’t know why now he’d stop wearing one. It’s like now he trusts me, and he didn’t before. I’m not sure of his motives. Any advice or ideas will help me out.

Ms. Confused

The Black Man:

Hi Ms. Confused,

I know I am probably preaching to the choir but I have to say it: Safe sex is the best way to go.

Unprotected sex does not validate trust in a relationship. There are many ways that this can be view. If you guys have been seeing each other on and off there is the possibility that since you guys have been just seeing each other that you have both have slept with other people. Sometimes when some feels like they are going to be monogamous that it is okay to not use protection. That’s not necessarily the case in this matter.

It could be basically that he wanted to do it “raw.”  No matter what angle or thought process he had in regards to it, it takes two to tango and you should be safe about it.

Don’t feel that unprotected sex is a payout factor or end result of trust. That can be extremely delusional.

That’s my 99 Cents worth.


Salt-N-Pepa, “Let’s Talk About Sex”

BDP, “Jimmy”

Kool Moe Dee, “Go See The Doctor”

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